This may be a controversial topic but it’s something I want to talk about none the less. I grew up a farm kid. We had dairy cows from the time I was born until I was about 17 then we switched over and still have a beef cattle operation. I learned from a very young age what my consequences are to my actions. I was given chores at a very young age, and it helped me learn responsibility. Granted my chores started out small maybe feeding the cats or gathering eggs from the chickens, but they were still my chores and needed to be done before it was time to go inside for the night. I also learned something very early in life, death. I learned how tender life is and how important it is. I watched cats, dogs, chickens, goats, cattle, horses, and anything else in between leave this world and I understood what it meant.

This past weekend my mother had to put her dog down. Never an easy thing especially for my mom who dearly loved her dog, but she was an elderly St. Bernard and if you don’t know, large dogs never live for a long time, and she had well surpassed that age range. She had a great life and her body had just given out on her. Now as you can imagine, she is not a small dog and therefore my parents needed help with her. That meant my boys were also present for what was going on. As a parent it was my duty to explain—the best way I could—what exactly was going on. I explained to them that death is a part of life and sometimes these things happen. I explained to them we believe there is a heaven and that is where our souls go after we die. So, we talked about how her body could no longer take care of her and she would go to heaven, and she wouldn’t come back.

You might think I am crazy for having this conversation with my soon to be three and two year old’s but I think something we do is try to protect our kids from every bad thing. That just isn’t logical, and I will never tell someone else how to parent their children. For me and my family, I believe explaining to them the aspects of life is essential, whether they are good or bad. We do not sugar coat things and my kids understand –for the most part— what is happening around them. Before all of this happened, we had other deaths around the farm, they’re inevitable. When it happens, we have the same conversation with them.

It’s also deer season here in Ohio, specifically shotgun season and being where we are from, we are avid hunters and live in an area where there are many other hunters taking advantage of the week. So, on our way to work we notice a decent number of trucks parked on the sides of roads and we talk about what they are doing. As a conservationist, I usually get a lot of backlashes that I am a hunter. What people do not understand is that hunting is a part of conservation.

Here comes the education side of me, if you look at an ecosystem and take in all the pieces of it and how they all work together, there is a balance. Now, just for arguments sake we add in a heavy population of deer, what happens? The ecosystem is thrown off balance and it can cause tremendous chain reaction all the way back down to the soil. Don’t believe me? Do a small test ecosystem of your own and see what happens when you throw off the balance. Hunting is there to keep the balance and our ancestors have been hunting for thousands of years.

I was also taught that when we do hunt it’s for a reason, and nothing or very little is wasted. My family obviously eats meat, so do many other families. To me, it’s important to know where my food comes from. My oldest asks me often if we eat certain animals and why. Knowing where your food is from is essential to a healthy diet and just because they are kids doesn’t mean you need to shade them from the truth on all aspects. Explain death to them, explain why things happen. If you don’t live on a farm or somewhere like it that doesn’t mean you can’t have these conversations with your kiddos. It’s easier for us because we have real life experiences right in front of us. Try picking up some children’s books or visit a local butcher shop that has fresh meat or even just sit down and talk with your kids about how life always comes to an end. You’re doing them a favor in the long run and hey, if you don’t feel comfortable then don’t do it. They are your kids and it’s not my business or anyone else’s business to tell you how to be a parent!

I hope everyone had a safe and happy Thanksgiving! As the holidays are officially here, I like to take some extra time to reflect on all of the things I have to be thankful for. Majority of the time it is always family. I have an amazing family that stands behind me 100%. They are trusting, loyal, and will always have my back. I am fortunate because not many have families who are like this, and the holidays can be a reminder of that. My word of advice for that, is do not put yourself in the situation where you are going to feel anxious, domineered, angry, hurt, or unhappy. Even though it’s the holidays, and tradition says you need to spend it with family, do what makes you happy.

I am also really fortunate to have some amazing friends. Friends I have had most of my life. Friends who have become family and their family has become family. I am extra thankful for one of those families this year and the support they have shown me recently. I cannot imagine how different my life would be without those friends.

I of course take the time to be thankful for my boys. I know it sounds cliché but those two saved my life. As you all know I was in a really dark place for a few years dealing with everything I had in my past relationship. I truly think they were what gave me the courage to finally say, “I have had enough” It wasn’t just me anymore, my actions affected them as well.  

It has been just the boys as I for a couple of years now and I sometimes find myself thinking how great it would be to share the memories with someone, the holidays definitely do not make that any easier. I remind myself that this is a much better alternative that where we were. I often fear the boys will think they are missing out on something, and maybe one day that time will come but for now, I focus on the present and engulf myself with the fact that I am loved and have two of the best gifts anyone could ask for.

I am going to get a little sappy on you now but, bear with me! I grew up catholic, spent time in the church and even when I moved across the country, I kept up my faith, attending church every Sunday. I thoroughly enjoyed the peace I felt when I left or the time, I had to kind of clear my thoughts. When I moved back home, I didn’t make it a priority and when everything happened with my past relationship, I’ll be honest, I lost my faith. Truthfully, I am still lost. I have not attended church in a few years, and I have not felt a connection with God in some time. I know this may sound selfish, because compared to others I have had a really good life but that is the difference between sympathy and empathy. Saying “it could be worse” or “at least…”  are sympathetic phrases and they are actually more harmful to a person than they are comforting. Those who have their faith and have a connection with God cherish it and understand it.

I know I have a had a good life so far and I wouldn’t change a single minute of it because it has led me to where I am today. Although I have lost my faith with God, I know one day I will be able to gain that connection again but, for now I am taking responsibilities for my actions.

When I get that connection back, instead of asking myself “why did you do this to me?” I am going to ask myself “What are you trying to teach me?” Whoever or whatever you believe in, I ask you to take some credit for what you do alone. God is a mysterious and powerful person but if you make a wrong turn, your directions change.

This holiday season I ask you to reflect on yourself, no outside impacts. Were you happy with yourself, with your decisions, with your choices? Now is the time to forgive and move forward. Put it all in the past and look towards the future. Afterall, a new year’s resolution is a chance at a new beginning.

Something I have been trying to do in my home, is be more sustainable. Some of you are probably wondering, what does that look like? To me sustainability is objective and therefore anyone can create their own sustainability. I work on trying to be sustainable in a couple of different aspects. One is cleaning. I’ll admit it, I am a bit of a clean freak and I love a nice clean smelling house. The problem is majority of people clean using harmful chemicals or go through about a billion paper towels in the process. I know this because I used to be one of them.

I have worked really hard to find more ecofriendly cleaning products because, well one, harmful chemicals are horrible in your home, its unsafe; two, my kids love to help me clean and I do not want them using those products either, or three, using more ecofriendly products is obviously, ECOFRIENDLY.

I found products I absolutely love with Melaleuca. Melaleuca is an online on stop shop and I have been a member for few months and have yet to find something I don’t like. Not only do I get ecofriendly cleaning products, a sigh of relief for this mama! I also transitioned almost all my makeup as well. Yes, they carry makeup and not only safe but it’s some of the best makeup I have ever owned. Guess what the best part is? Its affordable! Gasp! Most of the time these products are so expensive that it is not something you can keep up with over time, but their products are amazing, and it is no different than taking myself to the drug store to buy them. I have successfully transitioned all my cleaning products, including hand soap and laundry detergent, I also have transitioned almost all of my makeup and skin care products and a ton of my toiletry items like toothpaste, deodorant and so on. It is such an easy thing to do, and I promise you won’t regret it! Questions? Ask me!

Like I said before I was really bad about using an entire roll of paper towels to clean with. For obvious reasons that is horrible for the planet. I found some alternatives that were okay, but I didn’t love them, until now! I recently purchased Swedish dish towels, if you haven’t heard of these bad boys, do yourself and favor and google them! One towel replaces 18 rolls, yes 18, of paper towels. They are easy to care for and again, affordable!

Plastic is a big issue for myself too, I have been really trying to limit the amount of plastic in my house, but it seems to be never ending. Let’s be honest, with kiddos it’s hard to eliminate plastic since all of their snacks are wrapped in it. Every year I talk about doing a plastic free month but that is just not realistic for a family with small kids, one day I will get there, and my boys will jump in to help too. In the meantime, I will just reduce where I can. By using reusable silicone baggies, bamboo and coconut scrub brushes for the dishes, Swedish dishcloths, metal or reusable plastic straws, reusable water bottles (this one is actually easy, since I haven’t bought water bottles in years!) I use a lot of glass containers in my house for organizing but the sad thing is, most of the products within them came from plastic packaging. My hope is one day, plastic packaging will be a thing in past and we can move to a more sustainable packaging alternative!

In the picture you can see some of my favorite products! Some items were purchased on amazon and the rest is only a small portion of my favorite Melaleuca products!

There are a lot of things that cause a person pain, it can be different for everyone and can dimmish a person as long as it continues. I spent years in that constant state of pain. Always putting someone above myself. I wasn’t taking care of myself. I let myself go mentally and physically and lived in this world where I thought it didn’t matter. I would spend an extra 5 minutes in the shower as tears rolled down my face or sit in my car in the garage for a couple of seconds just to prepare myself for whatever I was about to walk into.

 I was questioned on everything I did when I did decide to do something for myself. Whether that be putting on an old dress I hadn’t worn in years or styling my hair a way I preferred it. Yes, something that small would raise a flag and I would be questioned about it. Who was I dressing up for? Or you know I don’t like your hair like that, why would you do it that way? It pulled at my self esteem and made me hate myself.

I let my health go the most, I was under so much stress trying to be the best I could, I was the single income in the house, and I was supporting myself, my eventually sons and I was supporting the person I thought would be there forever. Little did I know I was being taken advantage of.

I was eating all the crap, all the things I have been telling you to stay away from. I just didn’t care that I had gained weight, but it wasn’t just that, my overall health was horrible. So much so, that when I was 8 months pregnant with my second son, I had a mini stroke and was hospitalized. It was just a small scare, but I think that was really where a turning point set in. I realized how much I had suffered over the years and that my kids deserved to have the best mom I could be, and this wasn’t it. Being a single parent is extremely hard and you need to be at your best, always. I have been trying really hard to practice more self-care and I know in the end that will make me a better mom for it. Nothing prepares you for parenthood but by taking care of yourself, you’re ready to take on the world. I experience that firsthand this weekend.

Over the weekend, it happened. My oldest son looked at me and said, “why don’t I have a daddy?” the question struck me to my core. I knew one day he would ask, and I thought I was prepared to answer him. It turns out he asked me a lot sooner than I thought he would. He doesn’t remember the time he had when his dad was around. At only three, his dad was only around for 1 year of his life, how many of you remember the first year of your life? I had to gather my composure and calmy explain to him that he does have a father, someone who was there when he was born and someone who helped create him. That man, though not here today, cares for him as much as he can care for him. He seemed to have accepted my answer and told me “But I have mama”. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes, but I knew I needed to hold my composure. I told him yes, but you have so many others here to protect you and care for you too. Then he started to list everyone else in his life, with my help of course and we moved on from the subject.

Although, that conversation made my heart ache, he took away from it all I needed him to take from it, and that is that he has a family that is extremely supportive and loves him very much. I am sure the conversation will come up again and I will just try to be prepared in the best way I can. Taking care of myself is the first step in the many steps I will take to be the best person I can be and although I have ups and downs, I try to stay on track. I realize I lose my patience sometimes and apologize for it. We are all human.

So, do the dang things that make you happy and forget those who judge you. Be happy, be you!

Happy Halloween!

With the Halloween today, and thanksgiving soon to come and as Christmas is just around the corner, I get a lot of questions about gifts for the boys. Everyone thinks buying for a small child is easy but I find there are so many toys in the world now that my living room, porch, and their rooms are overrun with toys.

I have been seeing recently where parents are requesting instead of toys this year to purchase them experiences instead. While I love this idea because it makes a great memory part of me wants them to have to toys, they ask for.

This year my boys LOVE farm equipment so they asked for square balers and tractors and combines and everything in between. So, that is what I sent to family to get them. In the next few years, I am going to be transitioning to the experiences pathway because I think the memories the make will be worth so much more than any materialistic items.

In case anyone else is looking for great, long lasting farm equipment I highly recommend the 1/16 scale ertl or dicast toys. They are metal and sometimes plastic but my boys absolutely love them! I purchase most of mine off eBay, amazon, or a great site is outback toys.

Something else I am doing this year is my kids loves animals almost as much as I do so they are going to be receiving Russian tortoise. A tortoise is a somewhat easy, low maintenance animal and a good started pet to learn responsibility. If you are thinking about getting a pet for your kids, I encourage you to do a lot of research on the animal you are thinking about!

Also, remember to explain the meaning of Christmas whatever you religion or lack thereof is, explain why you celebrate Christmas and encourage your kiddos to be involved in the festivities. Since I had Garrett, I started up the elf on a shelf tradition and he loved it and so did Lincoln last year. I think they will definitely be more into it this year as well so I am excited for Louie (our elf) to make his first appearance in December. Stay tuned to my Facebook and Instagram accounts for updates on his daily activities!

I love this Christmas season and I cannot wait for the traditions to continue I have started with my family!

Hopefully, this will give you some inspiration for your kids this year!